Do not advise daughters to ‘adjust’ after domestic violence

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Shikhar Chand Jain

No matter how much we beat the drums of women empowerment, but the truth is that the social status of women is continuously declining. Don’t know why only women are forced to suppress in everything. As beautiful as the superficial picture may look, the reality is quite dismal. Hundreds of such examples will be seen around us, where women have to face domestic violence and then have to ‘adjust’ it.

Meghna was in bad condition by crying. When Shakuntala saw her daughter in this condition, she too got scared. When he dug a little, he came to know that Meghna’s husband used to beat her every day. Yesterday he crossed the limit. Holding his hair, he banged his head against the wall. Meghna had a lot of injury on her head. Father came home in the evening. They also got worried, but when he put his hand on the daughter’s head and said, ‘Daughter, learn to adjust a little…’ Meghna’s mind became numb. He didn’t understand what to do. How to adjust after getting beaten and why. Such incidents are neither rare nor unbelievable in the present society.

Rich and poor are equal in the matter of violence

In other matters, there may be a lot of difference between the rich and the poor, but in the case of beating of women, no one lags behind. In recent years, many such high profile cases of domestic violence or harassment of women came to the fore, seeing which people clenched their teeth. People generally believe that the crime of beating or torturing their wives is mostly done by poor, illiterate men. They go astray after drinking alcohol and poor women being illiterate are not aware of their rights, so they bear everything silently. The reality is that both these assumptions are false. Educated high profile men also beat their wives in the same way as the husband of your maidservant beats her. Along with this, high profile women also tolerate like Kanta Bai, Lakhia or Dhimaria, until the matter crosses the limit and sometimes even lose their lives. Recently, Rakhi Sawant accused her husband of having unnatural sex and beating her. Going back a bit, TV actress Shweta Tiwari also got divorced from her husband Raja Chowdhary for the same reason. The situation abroad is also not much better. The whole world saw how Charles Saatchi, the husband of cooking queen Nigella Lawson, thrashed her in a restaurant in front of a full public.

forced to bear

Pramod Mahajan’s son Rahul Mahajan’s ex-wife Dimpy was told by her parents to adjust with her husband while appealing to the society, then Dimpy wanted to forget everything even after drinking a bitter sip of insult, but the matter did not work. Rahul’s second wife also had this complaint with him. In most cases, parents or relatives also advise the woman to adjust by putting pressure or explaining. When a daughter insists on separating from such a husband or getting a divorce, she is told something like this- ‘Daughter, be patient, everything will be fine gradually’, ‘This is what happens in the beginning, little- There are big fights, they will be resolved’, ‘Hey son, who will love, he will scold you.. Your father didn’t used to beat you in childhood, did he?’, ‘He has given you so much, if you get angry then talk Daughter after eliminating…’, ‘It is written in the girl’s fate…’, ‘No marriage has broken in your family till date, will you get your nose cut?’

Girls forced to live by suffocation

Now in such a situation, if the girl is standing on her own feet then it is a different matter, otherwise in most of the cases she is forced to live by suffocation. In most of the cases, due to slander in the society, reluctance of parents to bear the expenses of keeping an ‘alien’ girl in the house, hindrance in younger sister’s marriage etc. They are sent to their in-laws house to be beaten up again, many such cases end either in the form of girl murder or suicide.

Main causes of violence against women

The question is why women are oppressed and why do women tolerate it? According to the researchers, it is a symbol of power and control by men. A study on domestic violence by the World Health Organization reveals that disobedience to a man, arguing with a man or ‘talking’ in front of him, not being able to serve food on time, earning from the husband or having extramarital affairs. Inquiring about, going somewhere without asking the husband, refusing to have a relationship, suspecting the wife to be ‘characterless’ by the husband, etc. are some of the major reasons for domestic violence. Psychologists say that intoxication is not the reason every time. Actually, such tyrannical men have been brought up in such an environment, who have seen the solution of every problem through violence. If they are not able to take out their frustration or frustration on others, then they take it out on their wife only.

don’t tolerate, say ‘no’

• Keep in mind, by tolerating violence yourself, you are also giving wrong education to your children. Son will learn to beat and daughter will learn to beat.

• You can take the help of the law for your safety and for the intelligence of the person who commits violence.

• Do not tolerate beating or scuffle at any cost. Make a proper protest, make noise and say firmly that you will not tolerate such behavior. Sporadic arguments and slight pushing during conversation may be normal, but being beaten by husband is like hurting your self-esteem.

• According to the Domestic Violence Act, hitting, abusing or threatening to kill comes under domestic violence.

• Be aware of your rights along with your duties and responsibilities.

Domestic violence in the mirror of statistics

• The report of the United Nations Population Fund states that 70% of women between the ages of 15 and 49 are victims of domestic violence.

• According to the National Crime Records Bureau, there are three major categories of violence against women – rape, dowry death and harassment. Every three minutes a woman is harassed. There is a rape in every 29 minutes and a dowry death in 77 minutes.

• Most of the cases are not reported at all. Matters are suppressed by showing fear of defamation in the society or by persuasion by the elders of the family.

• In the National Family Health Survey, it was found that about 40 percent of women are often beaten by their husbands. 8 percent of married women are victims of sexual abuse, 31 percent of physical abuse and 10 percent of serious violence.

• According to NCRB, 2 out of every three women are victims of sexual abuse at least twice in a year. More than 40 percent of sexual abuse cases happen during the day.

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